Monday, 14 December 2009

The Plague Doctors guide to the race for Christmas Number One


In recent years, the race for Christmas Number One has become a bit dull, in that it's always the winner of the X Factor. However, someone has orchestrated a campaign to try and get Killing In The Name Of by Rage Against The Machine to Christmas Number One instead. What a massively boring and pointless thing to do. Hopefully, it won't work, as this will be even more depressing than The X factor winner being Christmas Number One again.

REASONS WHY DOWNLOADING KILLING IN THE NAME OF IS BORING AND POINTLESS AND NOT REMOTELY SUBVERSIVE

  1. It smacks of spoilsportism. That's not really in the spirit of Christmas, is it?

  2. Killing In The Name Of is 20 years old. 20 years old, people!

  3. Joe McElderry is on Sony. Rage Against The Machine are on a label owned by Sony. Downloading Rage will not make any kind of anti-capitalist message, it just means Sony get more cash.

  4. It will achieve precisely nothing.

  5. The campaign has clearly been organised by boring people who like “real music” and “classic albums” and watch “VH1” and read “Uncut”. If these terms don't make you want to sick your guts up and shout “OH JUST GO AWAY YOU INTERMINABLE BORES”, they should.

The main message is: buy the Joe McElderry song if you like it. Don't buy the Rage Against The Machine song. If you like it, you already own it. If you're buying it just to stop Joe getting to Number One, you are small, boring and petty.

What you should do is go and listen to a nice song that you do like and have a nice time at Christmas. You'll be a lot happier and, more importantly, so will I.

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7 comments:

  1. paul.thompson.ldn14 December 2009 at 09:23

    But surely it'll be funny to make all the kiddy's sing a song with the word Fuck in it.. no?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Robert Clarke14 December 2009 at 09:51

    I think it will be funny. I share your cynicism for Uncut magazine and 'real music' fans who watch Top Gear. I also don't like people who consider themselves alternative even though they're clearly nothing of the sort.

    I just think it will be funny. Nothing more than that.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Unknown15 December 2009 at 05:23

    ...or of course, it could be seen as a victory againsts bland, manufactored music and exploitation of poor, usually good looking, kids, who in a few months time will be dumped at the door of Tesco by Cowell et al, asking for a shelf-stacking job.

    ReplyDelete
  4. smilekatherine15 December 2009 at 05:27

    I disagree with most of your points. RATM for number one. Why not? As you said, if you don't like it - you can "go and listen to a nice song that you do like and have a nice time at Christmas" You'll be a lot happier. And if they win SO WILL I!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Alex15 December 2009 at 14:45

    And wearing shiny red capes isn't "small, boring and petty"? And wearing masks isn't more than 20 years old?
    Hypocrite.
    As Katherine said, "go listen to a nice song" and stop whining, you'll be a lot happier.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Simon Johson15 December 2009 at 14:53

    It annoys cowel which is funny so its worth buying just to annoy him

    ReplyDelete
  7. Rileyo16 December 2009 at 03:00

    Anyone that still cares about the charts these days is a moron.

    Killing in the Name is a mighty fine song though.

    ReplyDelete

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