Sex and the City 2

I can't have been the only one a little perturbed by the absolute mauling that the new Sex and the City film has come in for. It seems everywhere you turn people are cackling about how terrible it is.

From the posters that have been photoshopped into oblivion, to the plot that seems to be so threadbare as to not actually exist, via an accusation that even the clothes are a bit rubbish, no one has a good word to say about this film.

Fans of the original series feel betrayed that the films could have taken everything they liked about its TV incarnation and made it into an empty-headed, vacuous mess. This seems fair enough.

Fans of misogyny are braying at the tops of their lungs about the whole shebang being an empty-headed, vacuous mess all along. This seems a bit off.

I've never watched any of it properly, the TV series or the films. What's troubling is that I suspect many of the people currently slagging it off haven't watched it properly either, they've just spotted an easy target and kicked it while it's down. Unbridled nastiness, that's what it is, and it's pretty unpleasant.

Here's Tanya Gold slagging it off in the Telegraph.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/7746119/Sorry-sisters-but-I-hate-Sex-and-the-City.html

Here's a review that says it's "blatantly anti-Muslim"

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/film-reviews/sex-and-the-city-2-film-review-1004093261.story

TV series fan Hadley Freeman had a go at in the Daily Mail.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1281157/Sex-And-The-City-2-How-Carrie--Co-man-obsessed-morons.html

And it got a kicking in the Evening Standard too

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/film/review-23839220-sex-and-the-city-2-is-ugly-on-the-inside.do

All a bit depressing, no? I'm not saying the film's any good, I've not seen it, and it does look dreadful. I'm just saying leave it alone, move on, forget about it.

It's just a bad film. There's a lot of them about. No need to be so nasty.

Culture Vultures

Like some other people, Plague Doctors enjoy popular culture in all its forms. Here are some bits of culture we have been imbibing over the last few months

Robin Hood
Apparently, Robin Hood didn't wear green and live in a wood and rob the rich to give to the poor. He wore brown and saved England from the French and was deeply politically conscious. Drab and baffling.

LCD Soundsystem – This Is Happening
Too concerned with being cool, not concerned enough with being good. Like some hipster mash-up of The Knife, Hot Chip and The Fall. But not as good as any of them. It'll probably sound amazing live though.

Gorillaz – Plastic Beach
Lots of people have reservations about Gorillaz, but Albarn haters be damned – this is great. Just a really fun album, probably a bit long, but if you can't find something to like here you're in danger of not actually liking music.

Crowded House – Manchester Apollo – Wed May 26
John and I went for an evening of singalong fun with the world's most singalong band. It was already amazing, but then Johnny Marr turned up in the encore and did a couple of Smiths songs and it became super amazing.

Mark Knopfler – MEN Arena – Tue May 25
I saw Nigel Havers looking harrassed in the foyer beforehand. This was as exciting as the evening got. A deeply dull few hours with a man who doesn't appear to care anymore. Still, Romeo and Juliet was quite good.

Jenny Holzer – The Baltic – Gateshead
I'd not really heard of her before I went, but this was incredible. She does these flashing LED sign installations that are just absolutely amazing. Utterly inspirational and mesmerising.

Hot Chip – One Life Stand
The first track sounds like The Knife (note to self: get wider frame of reference) and they end up sounding like The Beautiful South halfway through, but it's all good. The title track is particularly excellent.

STOP CAMERON

David Cameron must be stopped.

Obviously, you can stop him by not voting Tory. That's easy.

However, some people might still want to vote Tory. We need to stop these people from voting. Is this electoral fraud? Probably. I'd have thought being a smug lying twat was electoral fraud, but apparently not.

THE PLAN

If you see any Tories going out to cast their vote, stop them.

Here's a few methods you might like to try:

- Tell them Margaret Thatcher just died and we're having a national month of mourning instead of an election.

- Tell them you've got a load of poor people in your house they can point and laugh at. Bundle them into your cellar. Repeat until cellar is full.

- Tell them that the Big Society will also include people who aren't middle class and white. (It won't.)

- Tell them not to vote Tory because you just can't cope with the idea of that vile posh idiot running the country and none of his policies make any sense and you want to punch him in the head even though you've never punched anyone in your life and they'll set the country back thirty years because while Tories aren't all scare-mongering Daily Mail reading bigots quite a lot of them are actually and it frightens the bejesus out of you and OH GOD I CAN'T BEAR HIS FUCKING FACE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Actually that's unhelpful and unfriendly, all that swearing and violence. It's all a bit Danny Dyer.

My view is this: I hate Tories. Not the people who vote for them. But the people they vote for.

I didn't write that myself though, it's the intro to a piece on the Guardian website by Gary Younge. You might want to read the rest of his article, because it's really good and says everything I want to say about Tories and more.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/may/04/why-i-hate-tories-david-cameron

DON'T VOTE TORY

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Cheers,

The Plague Doctors

Another Video Exclusive!

Yet another video exclusive from The Plague Doctors! Wowzers!

We're throwing them down like thunderbolts from the sky!

NO holds barred! Full-length! Unexpurgated! You asked for it!

OH CANDY BABY!

EXCLUSIVE NEWS

Been wondering what the Plague Doctors are up to? Wonder no longer!

We've been hard at work learning to play all our songs on actual instruments. The plan is to go and play at open mic nights around Manchester. We thought it might be fun.

John and I got together and had a bit of a practise last week. I played John's old guitar and John played his drum machine. It's quite lo-fi. It's virtually no-fi.

We had such an entertaining evening we recorded it for posterity. There's a few more videos to put up.

The songs we have been learning for our open mic gigs are:

Oh Candy Baby

Wasting My Time

What A Fucking Lovely Day

I'm In Love With A Witch

Work Is Shit (I'd Rather Be A Pop Star)

Spell It Out

There was another one but I've forgotten what it was. Look at that list though! Who wouldn't want to hear those songs?

Most people, actually. Hey ho.

Here's a video, this is a new one called What A Fucking Lovely Day.

Let us know what you think, but only if you like it. We don't take criticism very well.

Joanna Newsom/Rachel Stevens Album Deathmatch

Last week I bought the new Joanna Newsom album, Have One On Me. I also bought Rachel Stevens' 2005 album Come And Get It.

But which is better? Let's find out, with the first of what might (but probably won't) turn into an ongoing series.

JOANNA NEWSOM/RACHEL STEVENS ALBUM DEATHMATCH

THE CONTENDERS

Joanna Newsom is an American woman who plays very long songs on the harp.

Rachel Stevens is a British woman who used to be in a pop band.

MUSIC

Joanna Newsom - It's a triple album, with 18 songs over 3 CDs. She does lots of long songs, which she wrote herself. Musically, it's all harps, strings, bells and whistles. Songs meander all over the place. Only two songs are less than four minutes in length. Requires patience.

Rachel Stevens - It's not a triple album. 11 tracks, plus two bonus ones. Every song could be a single. It's a straight up electro-pop album, which she got ace people like Richard X and Xenomania to write for her. It sounds like what Goldfrapp would sound like if they were as good as everybody says they are. It also sounds a lot like criminally ignored Norwegian popstar Annie. This is a Very Good Thing.

One of the songs on Rachel's album is called Je M'appelle. The Plague Doctors also have a song called Je M'appelle. Our song is better, but Rachel's song is good too.

WINNER - Rachel Stevens

LYRICS

Joanna Newsom - No Provenance

"And you, with your

'arrangement' with Fate,

nodded sadly at her lame assault

on that steady old gate,

her faultlessly etiolated fishbelly-face:

the muzzle of a ghost."

I have no idea what this song is about.

Rachel Stevens - I Said Never Again (But Here We Are)

"Now it's two weeks later

I feel such a traitor

Oh, I let you in my back door

You're the one who's creeping
Rough love's so deceiving

I said never again but here we are."

This song is about doing it up the bum.

WINNER - Rachel Stevens

ARTWORK

Joanna Newsom - On the cover, Joanna is lying on a sofa surrounded by all kinds of fancy things. She appears to be dressed as a flapper.

Inside, there are four very similar pictures of Joanna putting her hair up. Perhaps it's some kind of photo essay. She is wearing a dungaree/playsuit type affair and is showing off her legs.

Nice font.

Anyway, good effort.

Rachel Stevens - Look, Rachel is naked on the inside cover of her album. She's wearing some kind of necklace that draws attention to her bottom.

This is a reminder of Rachel's status as an FHM favourite.

She may be naked on the actual cover too, there's no way of knowing. It's just a shot of her face looking nice.

Bad font.

Again, good effort, but not as good as Joanna.

WINNER - Joanna Newsom

SINGLES

Joanna Newsom - Joanna Newsom has never had a UK hit single.

Rachel Stevens - Come and Get It spawned four UK hit singles, Some Girls (2), Negotiate With Love (10), So Good (10) and I Said Never Again (But Here We Are)(12).

Some Girls was the official Sport Relief charity single in 2004, which was a surprising choice considering it's about blow jobs.

WINNER - Rachel Stevens

DANCEABILITY

Joanna Newsom - Unless you like expressive interpretative modern dance, this is not a good album for dancing to.

Rachel Stevens - You can dance to all of this album.

WINNER - Rachel Stevens

DRIVEABILITY

Joanna Newsom - If you tried driving to this, you would crash.

Rachel Stevens - Very good driving music, just the length of the trip from Halifax to Manchester.

WINNER - Rachel Stevens

NICE SPRING DAY LISTENABILITY

Joanna Newsom - This album sounds very listenable on a nice spring day.

Rachel Stevens - This album does not particularly benefit from being listened to on a nice spring day.

WINNER - Joanna Newsom

OVERALL RESULT - Rachel Stevens 5 Joanna Newsom 2.

Well done Rachel Stevens!